i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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