Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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