While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had to cum in my sink.
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