at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
