i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
