I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
