I'm gonna have a badass scar
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
