nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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