Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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