my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
