sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
