So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
