Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
