make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i used baking grease as lip gloss
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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