You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
