Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
