someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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