I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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