Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
