We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
