Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
