You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
