okay pat passed out under dana's car
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize