i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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