You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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