I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
