I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
