Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
