So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
