She announced her abortion via fbk
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
