so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
