he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
