I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
