he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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