so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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