we have officially lost it.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
