There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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