if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize