Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
