Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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