Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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