omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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