your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
