So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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