I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
