gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
