The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
