I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
