It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
