you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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