we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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