the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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