I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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