hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
we're so committed to being not committed
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
