Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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