I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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