Are we in a gay sports bar?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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