i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
