so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize