I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
